Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
