wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
