Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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