I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
