just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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