Banned from zoo.
Again?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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