small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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