her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
