I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
