dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
