screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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