The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
