Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
