It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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