Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
