Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
