the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
