IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
