That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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