She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
