hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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