Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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