Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
