So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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