Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
