doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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