Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
