tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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