Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Send help, water and tortillas.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
