if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
