KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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