we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
