You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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