new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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