I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
