ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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