I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
