Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
