Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
