I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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