He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
