He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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