I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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