what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
