Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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