I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
