If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
