Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
