what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
