One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if only i could text you this smell
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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