Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
