do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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