Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
