I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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