FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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