come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
