I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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