They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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