All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
