so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my liver is dry heaving
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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