My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
