a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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