This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
