We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
