For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
