I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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