i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize