he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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