some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
