Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize