After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
