Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
