After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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