there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
