dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
