why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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