He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
