Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
