I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize