quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
